Visionary. Entrepreneur. Risk-taker. Ryan Starr is none of these things and more. In love with standardized tests from an improbably young age (when he spent the majority of his testing time hoping that the standardized-test gods would give him answers in the shapes of Vs like migrating ducks or in long straight lines like running quails), he later monetized this love in order to avoid life on Santa Barbara’s mean streets, which were no fitting home for a young man of such fair skin and gentle sensibilities.

Even outside the arena of standardized tests, Ryan’s accomplishments are myriad and impressive. He once walked thirty miles in a day wearing light brown dress shoes. His culinary exploits, ranging in edibility from orange-scrambled-egg tartes and rock salt gelato to chili pepper soup and taco macaroni and cheese, have earned both revulsion and renown. His thefacebook friends consistently number more than thirty (a level of recognition attained by such other noted figures as Shaquille O’Neal and William Howard Taft). He has fixed heaters with his bare hands.

Having achieved so much more in half a lifetime than most people could manage in eighty-two, Ryan is now entirely content to rest on his laurels. These days, he spends his time pontificating on the evils of compromise, engaging in uninformed etymologic speculation, and eating live butterflies. Get to know him!