please rate my issue essay

[1554651996]

[color=#FF0000]To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.[/color]


It has always been a captivating but difficult task for scholars to study the characteristics of a society. The statement that one must study its major cities to understand the most important characteristics of a society sounds quite reasonable but actually is very confined and narrow-minded. Surely studying major cities are essential but it is inadequate to broadly understand a society.

Studying major cities helps scholars to know which degree a society has reached. Major cities can always enjoy the affluent sources of a society, which helps them in a large degree to be prosperous. For example, in New York-one of the major cities of America, scholars can get to know the most advanced technology of the nation while they certainly cannot in other minor cities. Also, major cities is always the best choice when it comes to analyze the politics. Major cities have much more complete politics system comparing to minor cities. Most government organizations are located in major cities and important decisions are made in major cities. Just imagine how can scholars expect to get something in a village that has only 500 people.

Though major cities plays a significant role in a society, it is impossible to understand the important characteristics of a society fully only through them.

First of all, major cities over the world have become increasingly similar to each other due to globalization. And because of the assimilation of major cities, scholars are unlikely to know the peculiarity of a society by studying major cities. Also most people in major cities now only pursue materials owning to the heavy financial burden caused by high prices, whereas people in minor cities have less pressure and therefore can pursue something more than just materials such as spiritual satisfaction.

Moreover, major cities are insufficient to present the real condition of a society. Take China as an example, at least 700 million people, which accounts for over 50 percent of its population, are still farmers. Some of them are even struggling for food and shelter. Yet in major cities the situation is totally different: the citizens in major cities most comprise of white-collars, blue-collars, teachers, engineers and so on. There are little peasants in major cities in China. So scholars surely cannot correctly know what kind of society China is through studying its major cities. In addition, other aspects of a society such as cultural heritage, minor ethnics also are unlikely to be found in major cities.

To sum up, major cities do reflect some characteristics of a society, but it is far from enough. Some characteristics can be found only in minor cities or rural areas. Only by taking both sides into consideration can scholars have an all-round and profound understanding of the important characteristics of a society.

[tommywallach]

Hey There,

Great start here, with some solid examples (China, in particular), but I do have some notes.

First of all, don't start your essay by arguing against yourself. You decided cities are not super important, but your first paragraph describes how they are important. Start off with stuff that supports your thesis. Near the end, you can leave some room for other arguments (this is also where you'd address the specific rules of the prompt, which I didn't quite see you do here: "you should consider ways in which the statement might or MIGHT NOT hold true...").

Next, the language itself is getting in the way here. You need to be extra careful about your grammar, as there are enough errors here to hurt your score.

Also, try not to make vague statements without backing them up: "Also most people in major cities now only pursue materials owning to the heavy financial burden caused by high prices, whereas people in minor cities have less pressure and therefore can pursue something more than just materials such as spiritual satisfaction."

I'm not sure whether this is true or not, but you'd be better off pointing to a made-up statistic (yes, you can make up statistics on the GRE): "In the countryside around Mumbai, more than 80% of people practice some form of religion, whereas in the city itself, the number is closer to 50%." That way it won't look like you're making a point without any evidence.

Let me know if you have any other questions!

-t

[1554651996]

Hey Tommy,
I am really really grateful that you can give me so many suggestions. English is not my mother tongue and I am having some troubles with it especially when it comes to the analytical writing. This exam is really a big task for me.

You said

this is also where you'd address the specific rules of the prompt, which I didn't quite see you do here: "you should consider ways in which the statement might or MIGHT NOT hold true..."

. I am a little confused about it. Do you mean that I failed to consider ways in which the statement might or MIGHT NOT hold true in my passage or what? But I think I have been doing this in the whole passage, so could you tell me more about it? And would you mind telling me that if I can get a 3 score with such kind of passage?

[tommywallach]

Heyo,

Basically, those rules say that you should consider a couple ways in which you might be wrong. Actually, I think you're right that you did address that well-enough. That being said, I did notice one other thing that might be important.

The prompt only said that one must study major cities, not that studying major cities is the ONLY thing you have to do. Your argument sort of treats it as if the prompt had said the only thing you need to do is study major cities. This would be a much less interesting prompt, and it's rather easy to argue against. Many of your points would still hold, but I think it's a more subtle argument than you made it out to be, so make sure you read the prompt very carefully before you start.

-t