This took me about 38:00 minutes. Please provide a guestimate on the score. This was the first time Ive dealt with a claim/reason prompt
Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.
Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.
I strongly disagree with the claim that major cities need to receive financial support from the government in order to thrive. Major cities are massive revenue machines that financially support themselves. To say that these cities are places were culture and tradition are preserved is far from the truth. People from vast cultural backgrounds usually flock towards major cities . This diversity creates a meshing of culture and almost a tampering of traditions. I feel that more rural communites are where traditions are preserved . These types of communities need financial support from the government in order to thrive.
The first point that I would like to address is that major cities have become a melting pot of cultures. When you have such a great deal of diversity living together, it is very easy for traditions to become changed. A recent article in the New York Times showcased the Christmas traditions of a group of families living in the north side of San Francisco. Instead of having a traditional Christmas dinner, the families gather for a casual brunch and then head off to a late matinee at the local cinema. The religious backgrounds of these families varies, and they adopted this tradition for the casual atmosphere.
Secondly, Major cities are massive revenue builders and do not need an injection of government funds to thrive. Not only do cities like Chicago IL have the magnificent mile, but they also host sports teams from the NBA,NFL, NHL,and MLB organizations. Theses attractions create a plethora of jobs for the citizens and generate revenue via admission costs. Citizens of rural communites usually have a lower education level and work in the public sector. Government funded projects to clean the streets, improve roads, and maintain nature preserves allow workers consistent employment throughout the year.
Thirdly,rural communities usually hold more historical landmarks than major cities. The historical landmarks are essential to newer generations connecting to the stories of their towns. The town of Bath,England is a great example . The town received its name due to the bath houses that were built by roman imperialists. If you go to Bath today, you can tour the remains of one of the bath houses. The structure is intact, but falling apart. Surely it would be a wiser investment to revamp the Bath house versus installing another London Eye in downtown London .
In conclusion, rural towns are the gatekeepers of cultural tradition and beliefs. In order to preserve a nations culture, government funding should be allocated to bucolic versus major cities.
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- kraft79
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- tommywallach
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Re: Please evaluate my issue essay
Hey Kraft,
Solid work here. I like your structure, the writing is generally clear (though there are grammatical/spelling errors here and there), and your points are mostly good. A few notes:
1) The argument says only that governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive. You take issue with the idea that cities need it, but the argument is actually only saying to give it if the cities DO need it, so there's no point arguing that. You'd be better off saying that the government should NOT step in because cities SHOULD be self-sufficient (if you want to argue that side of it), rather than they simply don't need it.
2) Make sure your topic sentences always relate directly to your thesis. Notice your topic sentence for paragraph 2 "The first point that I would like to address is that major cities have become a melting pot of cultures." This doesn't quite make your point. Instead, say, "The first point that I would like to address is that major cities are NOT the repository of cultures, because they attract such a variety of people." See how that connects directly to your thesis?
I'd give you a 4.5 for this, for what it's worth!
-t
Solid work here. I like your structure, the writing is generally clear (though there are grammatical/spelling errors here and there), and your points are mostly good. A few notes:
1) The argument says only that governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive. You take issue with the idea that cities need it, but the argument is actually only saying to give it if the cities DO need it, so there's no point arguing that. You'd be better off saying that the government should NOT step in because cities SHOULD be self-sufficient (if you want to argue that side of it), rather than they simply don't need it.
2) Make sure your topic sentences always relate directly to your thesis. Notice your topic sentence for paragraph 2 "The first point that I would like to address is that major cities have become a melting pot of cultures." This doesn't quite make your point. Instead, say, "The first point that I would like to address is that major cities are NOT the repository of cultures, because they attract such a variety of people." See how that connects directly to your thesis?
I'd give you a 4.5 for this, for what it's worth!
-t
2 posts Page 1 of 1