Please evaluate my issue essay

[kraft79]

Please help with my issue essay. I thought this was more difficult that the argument

UNFORTUNATELY,IN CONTEMPORARY SOCIETY,CREATING AN APPEALING IMAGE HAS BECOME MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE REALITY OR TRUTH BEHIND THAT IMAGE

Society places a great deal of importance for individuals to have some type of image. The idea of having an appealing image is on the front of everyone’s minds. This appealing self-image has become so important, that often individuals look beyond the reality and truth behind that image.
The first example that supports this statement is that people are admired more for their image than the amount of work that goes into building and maintaining it. When a popular girls struts around the halls of a middle school, she is often placed on a pedestal because of her clothes and hair style. I think it is safe to assume that there is a decreased appreciation for the time and effort that goes into maintaining looks and appearances. When I was a teenager Michael Jordan was proving himself to be an icon on the basketball court. The slogan “if I could be like mike” was ingrained in every athletes mind. The reality is, the ad campaign played more on the success of the athlete, and less on his practice, hard work, and sacrifice.
The second example that supports my thesis is that people have risen in social status due to inappropriate behavior. I would like to go back to middle school to show that an individual can often gain peer acceptance by acting out in the classroom. Rebellious students are often seen as independent, cool, and funny. The admired rebel could very well be acting out because of low self-esteem, delayed cognitive development, or a dysfunctional home life. Another example of this is demonstrated when celebrities are admired for breaking the law. It is often the case when some type of scandal is a catalyst that ascends a musician or athlete’s social image. These two scenarios show that contemporary society will support an image even though it is based on negative actions and behaviors.
Even though there is a giant emphasis placed on having an appealing social image, there are many examples where society places more value on the behind the scenes. While billionaires are given high social status, they are also scrutinized for unethical decisions. The public places a great deal of importance on community outreach and the act of giving back. With the growth of social media, there is unlimited access to the truth behind individuals with an appealing image. Everyday people can see the ramifications that come with a heightened social, political, and economic status. The insight into the realities of a somewhat distant world, make that world less appealing.
In conclusion, society has placed a massive emphasis on creating an appealing image. The fact is that having an appealing image has overshadowed the reality or truth behind that image. If there was more consideration for these truths, the definitions of social images would drastically change

[tommywallach]

Hey Kraft,

Some good ideas in here, but overall, there are too many issues.

First thing is first. Separate your paragraphs with blank lines or ordered indentations. You should have 5 paragraphs (best-case scenario) with ONE example per paragraph (you put multiple examples in each paragraph, for example the hypothetical teenage girl and Michael Jordan).

Beyond that, I don't think you quite understood the prompt here. This question is about image versus the person. Michael Jordan had a successful image, but that image was always about the hard work he put in and his talent, not his wealth or fame. Similarly, when you talk about people who act badly, their reputation is FOR acting badly.

A better example here would be that someone puts out an image that is DIFFERENT from who they actually are, which I didn't see you discuss. For example, you could say that America has an image of being free, and that image is more important than actually protecting civil liberties. Or you could argue that one creates a persona online through Facebook/OK Cupid, and that persona is actually more important than the person behind it.

Take a bit longer outlining here, and be sure you've really addressed the full complexity of the prompt. Also, you need to be careful of your English. Take this sentence, where you lay out your thesis:

This appealing self-image has become so important, that often individuals look beyond the reality and truth behind that image.

To "look beyond" means that you actually look deeper, which doesn't make sense. The issue isn't whether they look beyond reality and truth, but whether they look beyond the projected image.

Hope that helps!

-t