please evaluate my essay

[archandave]

People who make decisions based on emotion and justify those decisions with logic afterwards are poor decision makers.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Response:-

Here author argues that people who make decisions based on emotion and then justify those subjective decisions with logic are poor decision maker. I agree with the statement of author that people who take decisions by getting influenced by emotion and then justifying it are poor decision makers. They certainly will fail most of the time to take correct decisions.

It is very important for any person who has to take any decision, to think objectively to take decision. One shouldn't be subjective while taking decision if one want's to take correct decision.If a person is taking subjective decision and then trying to justify it logically then he is certainly making hotch-potch of whole decision making process. One certainly can't take correct decision by getting influenced by emotion. For e.g. if a child is very aggressive and one day if he hits his fellow mate so severely that he has to be taken hospital urgently, then in this case if the mother of the child who has hit, decides to defend her child instead of scolding him severely and teaching him, then certainly it will have poor consequences. Mother will try hard to justify her decision to defend her child but ultimately her decision will be foolish and unwarranted.

Another example is of a coach who has to select a team of 11 players from 15 players in a final match of some big cricket tournament. Among those 15 players his son is also there, but somehow his son very weak player in comparison with other players. In this scenario, if he includes his son in playing eleven leaving aside some marvelous player, then certainly it will be his blunder. In this case he includes his son in playing eleven just because of his close relationship with him, thus getting influenced by emotions, he then foolishly try to justify and ultimately end up in losing that final.

Although, most of the time this approach of taking decision ultimately results in failure, sometimes it is possible that the decision tends to give positive result.In the example mentioned above it may be possible that son who is included in playing eleven tries hard to prove his father's decision right and thus show extraordinary and unexpected performance in the match.

Thus decisions should be made by using mind , especially critical decisions need critical thinking which needs impartial and objective mind.

[tommywallach]

Hey Archandave,

Unfortunately, the writing here is fundamentally flawed, such that I can't quite understand the points being made. You need to work more with your basic writing skills, potentially with a tutor, in order to score well on the GRE. Again, I imagine some of your points are good, but as the primary purpose of the GRE essay is to prove your proficiency with the language, your focus needs to be on getting your grammar and spelling up to par.

For example:

"For e.g. if a child is very aggressive and one day if he hits his fellow mate so severely that he has to be taken hospital urgently, then in this case if the mother of the child who has hit, decides to defend her child instead of scolding him severely and teaching him, then certainly it will have poor consequences."

Corrected:

"For example, if a child hits someone at school, and that child's mother defends the child's actions instead of scolding him, it's likely the child will not learn his lesson."

This would be the grammatical sentence; however, the underlying point isn't made. How is it any more emotional to defend the child than to scold him? And what poor consequences do you mean?

Good luck!

-t

[archandave]

thank you ... i will try to correct flaws in my writing .