Please eval my 2nd practice issue essay

[kraft79]

This one took me 45 minutes vs 90 min


Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, even if these areas could be developed for economic gain.

Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.



I agree that nations should pass strict laws that preserve wilderness areas in their natural state. The earth possesses many natural wonders and sites. These areas are detrimental to the earths ecosystem and the tourism trade. We need to have strict laws that will protect Mother Nature from the corruptible minds of developers.
First of all, the act of development has negative consequences on the environment. Science has been able to correlate adverse weather changes, natural disasters, and the state of the ozone layer to archaic development of wildlife areas .With this information, society is becoming more conscious, but the minds of free enterprise are easily swayed by the all mighty dollar. Every choice in life is certain to have a level of reciprocity. In terms of developing wildlife areas , that reciprocity comes in the form of damage to the environment. Every year another species becomes extinct or a water supply is deemed unfit for human consumption. These types of studies show that developers will go to extreme measures to make a buck . For this reason, the government needs to place strict and unwavering laws that protect wildlife areas form the clutches of free enterprise.
The statement above makes the point that wildlife areas could be developed for economic gain . The biggest problem with this point is that wildlife areas are great revenue builders. Not only do these types of areas contribute to tourism, but they also provide jobs to maintain the areas. Turning a forest preserve into a strip mall might seem like a positive economic move, but one would need to look at the impact that mall would have on the tourism trade for the area. If you look at an area like Vail Colorado, you will see a community that is not only dependent, but thrives on tourism. Outdoor enthusiasts from all over the world come to Vail for its seasonal activities. The degrading effects of development could seriously damage Vail and convert it from a destination vacation to a dying mountain town.
However, there are some rural areas that could benefit from some type of natural development. As I previously mentioned, science and our knowledge of global impact is increasing. With this knowledge , developers are able to modify their techniques to have a minimal impact on the environment. Take the upper peninsula of Michigan for example. The demographic of these towns is blue collar with minimal education. The people of the town rely on labor and craft type trades. The area is surrounded by an enormous amount of copper ore. This ore could be mined for a substantial profit. The mine itself would provide the residents of the area with copious amounts of employment opportunities. With safe developing techniques both the community and nature could come out on the winning side.
In conclusion, the earth is blessed with many beautiful and clean wilderness areas. These areas are vital to the survival of our plane ,and to the tourism trade. For these reasons, the government needs to protect these areas with strict laws.

[tommywallach]

Hey Kraft,

Great work here. I really like your first two paragraphs, and you make a solid defense of your thesis. A few notes:

1) Be careful with big words. Most of the times you try for them, you're misusing them, and you're better off with smaller/simpler words that you DEFINITELY know how to use.

As examples: detrimental, corruptible, archaic, reciprocity. All of those are misused, so be careful. Stick to simple words.

2) Your last paragraph should have taken on the rules of the prompt (consider possible effects of your thesis) rather than explain a place where development might be necessary. That's a pretty common set of instructions to receive, but it's not the one YOU received, and I failed to see you talk about how your thesis might have ripple effects.

3) You need to work as much as possible on your English grammar. If you can help it, I'd recommend getting a tutor to read over your writing and provide very specific line-by-line notes (it's more than I can get into on here), so that you continue to learn which constructions are grammatically viable and which aren't.

Hope that helps!

-t