Feedback on My ISSUES ESSAY

[sravi4]

Can I get feedback as to the score of this essay, it would help me so much in studying, THANKS!

People who make decisions based on emotion and justify those decisions with logic afterwards are poor decision makers.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


It is inevitably true that people who make decisions based on emotion and justify those decisions with logic afterwards are poor decision makers. The process of decision making revolves around evaluating equally both the benefits and costs of a particular choice. Injecting emotion into that sound process disrupts the balance of these pros and cons, biasing the decision maker towards one particular decision by undermining the importance of the negative "side-effects." Three examples strongly support the absolute validity of this premise: President Obama and his health care reform, Adolph Hitler and his abuse of Jews, and Joseph Kony, the leader of many child soldiers across the vast country of Uganda.

First, President Obama is a leader that was elected to "rule over" the United States of America. Being designated as a leader requires that elected person to make multiple decisions and consider the ramifications of these choices on the country at large. When drafting the health care reform legislation, known as the Affordable Care Act, and pushing for the Supreme Court to uphold the law, President Obama failed to consider the consequences of the implemented law on the insurance industry as well as the middle class. He justified the passing of the law by stating that "now everyone can afford health insurance." He merely pushed for the law to be passed because of his strong passion for health insurance for all, failing to understand the high federal costs of this new legislation and the current economic situation of the general American public. As a result, according to the Gallup Poll, a fairly good percentage of the American people believe that President Obama is a terrible decision maker, with no regard to the welfare of the American people.

Second, Adolph Hitler was a chancellor who was driven more by bigotry than political or economic motives. Stemming from his childhood, Adolph's hatred of Jews was transformed into a full-scale movement of violence and extermination.He justified his actions by claiming that he was promoting Germany to a higher position in the world. He failed to consider the consequences of his actions and how the world would come to perceive Germany as a "criminal country." Because of his ignorance in making these decisions, he failed to secure Germany's respect in the world as well as its power.As a result, much of Germany's problems have been attributed to his rulings.

Third, Joseph Kony has distinguished himself as the main opposition against the hated President Musevini by organizing as well as leading an army of child soldiers in Uganda. By gathering children from all different parts of the country as well as from different tribes, he is putting together what he perceives as a powerful democratic force. His purpose in securing this army is motivated by his desire to overthrow President Musevini, yet he fails to consider the consequences of abusing children as well as the aftermath of the overthrow of Musevini. He refuses to understand what the country specifically needs in a political leader as well as the Ugandan system of political ruling. He justifies his actions by dictating that he is serving the people. In this way, his anger is fueled into a chaotic movement that stirs the country rather than solves its political issues, leading him to be considered by many more of a terrorist than a democratic decision maker.

In conclusion, as it is evident in the three examples mentioned above, emotion is a detractor in the decision making process. Emotion should, in all situations and at all costs, be removed as a variable in constructing as well as executing decisions. Logic should serve as the primary tool when making a decision, rather than as a secondary tool in cases like the ones mentioned above and in the future.

[tommywallach]

Hey Sravi,

Good start here. Your writing is clear and coherent, and the length is perfect. However, I think this essay is fundamentally flawed (Whereas your argument essay was just shy of perfect). You don't seem to be writing about the prompt at all. You simply took three people you don't agree with, then said they made decisions with their emotions that were bad. But there's no evidence here that any of these people made their decisions based on emotions rather than reason (particularly the second two examples).

The problem is this: The GRE Issue essay comes in two different flavors. For some of them, three specific examples is exactly what you need. For others, you just need to talk at length about something more conceptual, and you may not be able to use specific examples. This is an example of the second type. Instead, you should have written at length on the ISSUE. What does it mean to make an emotional decision anyway? Can humans really separate their emotions from their reason? How does that work? A personal example could be powerful here, because you can speak for your own emotions, but not for those of others.

Also, you failed to respond to the specific rules of the prompt: "In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position." I don't see anywhere where you considered that your position might not hold anywhere, which you MUST do if the prompt asks for it.

Let me know if that makes sense!

-t

[tommywallach]

Heyo,

Wanted to point you to this essay. This student managed to use three examples, but notice how well they are tied to the prompt (he shows how the decisions were emotional), and how he hits the counterexample as well. So you can do this with examples, if you like, or you can go the more conceptual route.

post36910.html?sid=541a4b3ee11704699087bc207d524fac#p36910

-t

[varunsahlot123]

hey tommy,

What factor to look for, that determines the flavor of the prompt.
whether to write at length or just brace with examples.

Cheers!!!!

[tommywallach]

Hey Varun,

Not quite sure about your question, but if you have a general essay question, post it out in the forum at large, rather than attached to a specific essay. Thanks!

-t