Arguement Essay evaluation

[kraft79]

Can you please eval my latest arguement essay? I was able to complete this in 30 min ( first time that has happened). It feels a bit dry, but I am happy about the time

The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.



The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries is proposing to install internet surveillance on workers computers. This idea is based on the idea that workers who are being monitored are less likely to use the computer for personal reasons. This will foster a better work ethic and Climpson Industries will see an overall increase in profits. The argument does provide proof to the argument, but the proof is replete with unwarranted assumptions. These assumptions do not allow the argument to reach its conclusion.


The first assumption made is that all non-work related emails are destructive to the company’s profitability. There could be circumstances that employees are either communicating with a doctor or following up with their child’s teacher. If the employee could not send an email , he or she might have to take a personal day and miss an entire day of work . Missing an entire day of work would cause a greater loss to the company versus a one to two minute email conversation. The case would have been made stronger if the vice president of human resources included a list of acceptable personal internet scenarios.


Secondly, the argument ends with the assumption that increased internet surveillance will foster a better work ethic at Climpson Industries. The problem with this logic is that the author did not take into consideration company morale. The increased surveillance might make the employees feel like their shoulders are constantly being looked over. A work force that is resentful is definitely not going to be as productive. If an employee is using the internet to shop or communicate with friends then chances are he or she is not allocated enough personal time to accomplish these types of tasks. The argument would have been stronger if the vice president suggested more flexible shifts to accommodate employee’s hectic lives.


The third assumption that this argument makes is that just because the internet in monitored , employees are not going to find other means to take care of their personal business. An employee could just as easily pick up the phone and shop with his or her credit card. The advantage of internet amusement is that an employee could still receive inbound calls, work on spread sheets, and have a browser open to shop, play games etc. Lets face it, we are a society that can get a lot of things done simultaneously.


In conclusion, the vice president of human resources for Climpson Industries has written the president with a suggestion for increased internet monitoring. The vice presidents reasoning is full of unwarranted assumptions that do not allow the argument to reach it’s conclusion.

[tommywallach]

Hey Kraft,

Again, solid work here. I like a lot of your points, and your writing is nice and clear. A few things:

1) I think your first example isn't great, to be honest. I'd cut it myself, or at least put it last. To argue that non-work emails are going to be critical because some of them might result in MORE time lost is a bit of a stretch, and it doesn't relate to the other stuff that people waste time on.

2) Your second point is great. I'd start with that one.

3) Your last point is good, but you miss it a little bit. The issue isn't that they'll find other ways to take care of their personal business, but that they'll find other ways to waste time. I think shopping via phone is unlikely, but they might just spend more time chatting with their co-workers or staring into space. That bit of relaxation they get from doing a bit of personal stuff might be better, because at least they stay at their workstation (which you make a good point on).

4) I think you missed a few points by being a little too stuck on the ISSUES here, rather than the argument. For example:

a) Where is the evidence that installing software will prevent people from doing it? You'll have to have a system of punishments, and you wouldn't want to fire people, because then you'd lose lots of time/work, right?

b) The connection to profits that they make at the end is entirely specious. This argument never links up to how much money is being made or lost, and you could say "The author needs to provide information on how much money/profit is being lost by all this wasted time."

Otherwise, great work. Again, I'd go 4.5 on it.

-t