“Many a true word is said in jest.”—I don’t know, but I heard it from my mother.

“I’ve never seen any of these words before, but I bet they all mean, ‘You’re a loser’.”

“Why is this question here? Why am I here?  When’s the civil service exam?  Garbage men still have a union. . .”

Have you lived that movie?  Paranoia is only human—and the old saying is true: “Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.”  Paranoia is a primal reaction, developed to help protect humans from animals with sharp, pointy teeth.  Unfortunately, it is not helpful when one is facing questions with sharp, pointy teeth.  Even though the GRE is out to get you.  Failing to control your paranoia is a hidden reason for underperforming on the actual exam.

On this blog, I and others have discussed many factors crucial for success: foundation skills, strategies, timing, precision, and so forth.  And it’s like I say about L.A.—everything you ever read [here] about it is true.  However, after honing these skills, after achieving mastery, too many test takers succumb to their paranoia and thus revert when taking the actual exam, especially for the first time.  Even 99^th percentile skills will crumble if undermined by irrational panic and the results will not be gratifying.  (Have you ever watched the Chicago Cubs play a post season series?)   To succeed, folks must understand the difference between dispassionate, objective analysis—“I’ve never gotten a surface area question right in life, why do I think I’ll have a divine inspiration today?”—and irrelevant fear—“They’re going to tattoo a scarlet “L” on my forehead.”  Just as folks plan question and timing strategies, they must develop tools to banish their internally generated negative visualizations.

How do you tell the difference?  Objective analysis responds to the stimuli on the monitor.  Paranoia is a response to internal doubts.  (Notice how this is parallel to the nature of the exam—search for the answer on the screen, not in the opinions in your head.)  Sometimes, after you’ve read a question twice (everyone has a sinking feeling the first time), you hear yourself singing, “I’ve got the ‘I don’t know where I’m going but I’m going nowhere in a hurry’ blues.”  That’s the truth, not paranoia.  Bail out.  As one of my acting coaches used to say, “Only schizophrenics don’t react to the reality around them.”  Conversely, paranoia is when your thoughts of impending disaster revolve around your supposed shortcomings rather than the material on the screen.  As I’ve said before, if while taking the exam you find yourself thinking about how big a dumb ass you are, check the question—if it doesn’t read, “Which of the following best describes how big a dumb ass you are?”, you’re thinking about the wrong thing.  That is paranoia.  No kidding—you knew that.
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