by RonPurewal Sun Feb 23, 2014 12:49 am
I'm going to skip the grammar terms, because I don't know them. (Our other moderators might, if you are concerned with such things; just know that there's no reason to know them for this exam.)
* The grammar of the sentence is fine. There's nothing structurally wrong with it.
* The problem lies in the meaning of the sentence. This sentence is clearly supposed to be an analogy/metaphor, but "like pearls that move..." doesn't imply an analogy/metaphor.
Like just about everything else, this is best explained with examples.
I saw a man working at a bank. --> The man was actually working at the bank when I saw him.
I saw a man who works at a bank. --> I may have seen this man anywhere (a club, a gym, a store... wherever). I know that he works at a bank, but I didn't necessarily see him there.
You can see the problem here. To make a metaphorical analogy, you'd want pearls moving..., which would stress that the actual motion is what's being compared.
Pearls that move, like a man who works at a bank, is just a general statement about what someone or something habitually does. It can't be used to refer specifically to an action or process, as we want to do here.