Paranoia Runs Deep, Into Your Heart It Will Creep
I know what Statement 2 is telling me; it’s saying ˜Become a carpenter!’
Why is this question here? Why am I here? When’s the civil service exam? Garbage men still have a union. . .
Have you lived that movie? Paranoia is only human and the old saying is true: Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you. Paranoia is a primal reaction, developed to help protect humans from animals with sharp, pointy teeth. Unfortunately, it is not helpful when one is facing questions with sharp, pointy teeth. Even though the GMAT is out to get you. Failing to control your paranoia is a hidden reason for underperforming on the actual exam.
On this blog, I and others have discussed many factors crucial for success: foundation skills, strategies, timing, precision, and so forth. And it’s like I say about L.A.—everything you ever read [here] about it is true. However, after honing these skills, after achieving mastery, too many test takers succumb to their paranoia and thus revert when taking the actual exam, especially for the first time. Even 99th percentile skills will crumble if undermined by irrational panic and the results will not be gratifying. (Have you ever watched the Chicago Cubs play a post season series?) To succeed, folks must understand the difference between dispassionate, objective analysis—I’ve never gotten a combinatrics question right in life, why do I think I’ll have a divine inspiration today?—and irrelevant fear—They’re going to tattoo a scarlet L on my forehead. Just as folks plan question and timing strategies, they must develop tools to banish their internally generated negative visualizations.
How do you tell the difference? Objective analysis responds to the stimuli on the monitor. Paranoia is a response to internal doubts. (Notice how this is parallel to the nature of the exam—search for the answer on the screen, not in the opinions in your head.) Sometimes, after you’ve read a question twice (everyone has a sinking feeling the first time), you hear yourself singing, I’ve got the ˜I don’t know where I’m going but I’m going nowhere in a hurry’ blues. That’s the truth, not paranoia. Bail out. As one of my acting coaches used to say, Only schizophrenics don’t react to the reality around them. Conversely, paranoia is when your thoughts of impending disaster revolve around your supposed shortcomings rather than the material on the screen. As I’ve said before, if while taking the exam you find yourself thinking about how big a dumb ass you are, check the question—if it doesn’t read, Which of the following best describes how big a dumb ass you are?, you’re thinking about the wrong thing. That is paranoia. No kidding—you knew that.
Well then, why do people recognize the difference between analysis and paranoia but still succumb to the latter? Because they try to do the impossible. They try not to have thoughts of failure. That’s impossible—you can’t override human nature. I have feelings of paranoia, even though I’ve always scored in the 99th percentile. I still have them”even though I don’t really care about my score anymore. Instead, you have to recognize irrationality in yourself and laugh it off. I say to myself, Save some of that craziness for menopause. Then I giggle, read the question again, and really listen to the words. And if I still don’t get it, I say, Screw them if they can’t take a joke. And bail out.
Maybe some of you can’t make jokes to yourself during the exam because you’re worried about your entire future. That’s part of the problem—if a chunk (or all) of your mind is thinking about things other than the words on the monitor, it will lower your score. It’s the difference between worrying about being the hero or the goat and just seeing the ball and hitting the ball. Feelings of failure while taking the exam are like stage fright. That’s what stage fright is—standing up there thinking you look like an idiot. You say, No, it’s much different—they give me a piece of paper that says I’m an idiot. No. Really. It’s the same. So, I’ve got another suggestion for you, if you didn’t like the first one.